Goodbye, Girls

I said goodbye to my breasts today.

I was getting out the vacuum, daydreaming as usual, when sudden remorse and horror hit me that I’d be losing a body part in two days. Of course I’d thought about it, knew it would happen, but that wasn’t where my head has been. My attitude over the past two weeks has been that of a pursuer, refusing to play the scared victim, to hunt this cancer down and kill it. If I had to have a double mastectomy, so be it.

But today I realized I hadn’t focused much at all on the fact that in getting rid of this disease, I would never again have breasts–not real ones, anyway. I needed to have a talk, to acknowledge them, to say thank you and goodbye while I still could.

So, while vacuuming the floor, I had a little talk.

“You know, girls, you’ve been great through the years. You showed up in fifth grade right when I was so jealous of my friend, who had the biggest breasts in the class. You nourished my son when he was an infant. And although I complained through the years that you were too small until I gained weight and then you were too big, you’ve always looked good, and I love you and always will.

But here’s the thing. One of you is sick with five tumors, and the other will surely get sick, too. There’s no chance of saving you. So it’s time for you to go so that you don’t end up killing me.”

And I was done. I feel no guilt and no regrets. I am at peace with it all and ready to move on.

Sometimes, saying goodbye is part of the healing process.

Goodbye, girls

I said goodbye to my breasts today.

I was getting out the vacuum, daydreaming as usual, when sudden remorse and horror hit me that I’d be losing a body part in two days. Of course I’d thought about it, knew it would happen, but that wasn’t where my head has been. My attitude over the past two weeks has been that of a pursuer, refusing to play the scared victim, to hunt this cancer down and kill it. If I had to have a double mastectomy, so be it.

But today I realized I hadn’t focused much at all on the fact that in getting rid of this disease, I would never again have breasts–not real ones, anyway. I needed to have a talk, to acknowledge them, to say thank you and goodbye while I still could.

So, while vacuuming the floor, I said, “You know, girls, you’ve been great through the years. You showed up in fifth grade right when I was so jealous of my friend, who had the biggest breasts in the class. You nourished my son when he was an infant. And although I complained through the years that you were too small until I gained weight and then you were too big, you’ve always looked good, and I love you and always will.

But here’s the thing. One of you is sick with five tumors, and the other will surely get sick, too. There’s no chance of saving you. So it’s time for you to go so that you don’t end up killing me.”

And I was done. I feel no guilt and no regrets. I am at peace with it all and ready to move on.

Sometimes, saying goodbye is part of the healing process.

Handling the Holidays

stressed out-woman-holidays-pam roller-romance authorAh, the joys of those weeks leading up to Christmas Day. The lights, the music, the sales, the chipper shoppers! Finding that perfect gift, singing carols, decorating the tree, wrapping presents, preparing for houseguests. All is merry and exhilarating and zippy.

The big day approaches, and reality hits. Everyone is in a hurry and everyone else is in the way.

All is harried and hurried and exhausting. The crowds, the noise, the traffic. Moods plummet. Sighs of frustration taint the atmosphere. Folks become tense, anxious. So much left to do!

And those jolly holiday Rudolph and Santa coming to town songs that set the mood weeks ago are now so annoying that you’d like to twist them into some dark hardcore screamo.

How do we get through it all without going off the deep end? Here are some tips from examiner.com and a few of my own:

  • Make lists and manage your time, including giving time to yourself. Extra time, if need be.
  • Adjust your expectations. We all want things to be perfect, but they rarely are. Just go with the flow.
  • Try smiling. Smiling gives you an emotional boost, and your smile will improve the stressed moods of all those around you.
  • Manage your alcohol intake. Too much drinking can lead to aggressive behavior and conflict.
  • Watch your spending. There’s no use going into debt trying to please others if it will affect your mind and body (and bank account) in a negative manner.
  • Ring that bell. The Salvation Army could use your help. Empathy and giving go a long way in dissipating anger and frustration.
  • Forgive. Holding a grudge against another only hurts you. Wash away the resentments and marvel in how much lighter is your heart.
  • Lack of self-confidence is the root of bullying and bad attitudes. Love and believe in yourself, and you’ll attract the good to you like a powerful magnet.
  • Acknowledge your feelings. You’re pissed off, disappointed, or sad. Or all three. Recognize how you feel, cry if you need to, yell it out into your pillow, and let it go.
  • Remember the reason for the season, and celebrate! Christ is born, our savior.
  • Take some time and go to your quiet place, and reflect on how good life has been, or how good life will be. Positive thinking brings about positive things in your life. Read this post for an lovely, peaceful message.
  • Love. Your family, your friends, yourself. Just…love.

Does the power of positive thinking really work?

Most, if not all, of us have these naysayers in our head who show up sometimes, often when things are going well and our guard is down. These killjoys, wet blankets, prophets of doom-—whatever you want to call them-—pop in just to show us the bad things that could happen in our circumstances and give discouraging outlooks on our hopes, dreams, and plans. We try to ignore the bad thoughts, but they grow. Self doubt jabs us with small, soft balls of worry, or slams us repeatedly like concrete blocks. The day starts off badly and goes downhill from there. Sometimes we fight; other times, we give in and just want to curl up in a dark room and succumb to the distress.

There is a solution, and it works. Say what you want to happen, what you expect to happen. Create daily or even hourly (or more, if things are really bad) positive aspirations for yourself. Utter your plans and goals, wishes and desires out loud, whenever you need to. Some call this prayer, some call it meditation. Whatever you consider it to be, intersperse your desires with plenty of thanks for what you have and what you’ve accomplished, even if it doesn’t seem like a great deal. It is. Write down your accomplishments and blessings if it helps.

Just say it. Make it real to yourself by repeating it over and over. Slowly you change your outlook. You will put the inner naysayer to rest. You realize you do have faith in yourself to reach your goals. It’s all in thinking positively.

Related posts:

How the Power of Positive Thinking Won Scientific Credibility

Law Of Attraction