How do you develop deep, lasting love?

How do you know when it’s real love?

You know those feelings you get when you fall in love: The zinging sensations, the floating on air, the exhilaration, the sparkling newness of it all. Not to mention the physical attraction that hits you like a Mack truck.

The media knows all about these feelings. The media hands the pursuit of love to us in the form of novels, articles, movies, songs, gimmicks, advertisements, junk mail…we are inundated with constant reminders of the love we’ll experience if only we find the right person, lose weight, experience that first kiss, buy that diamond, go on that vacation, spend the money. The media knows all about falling in love, and they jab endlessly at our tender emotions and egos.

Fast forward to AFTER—Always Forever Turns into End of Romance.

So you find your perfect love, but AFTER that, the initial spark wears off, and you discover that the person you thought you were so deeply in love with and made you gloriously happy and fulfilled you sexually is just another person with needs and wants that you might not be able to fill. You’re just not happy anymore. The spark is gone. It’s time to get out of this relationship, you decide, and find someone else who will make you gloriously happy. AFTER might take months or years to occur.

Deep and intimate love for others has to start with love and respect for ourselves. Only when we can love ourselves, unconditionally and steadily, can we develop real love for someone else.

Young Couple in Grass

But there’s more to love than finding someone who makes you feel like gold. AFTER the shine is dulled, the question becomes, how do you retain deep, lasting love?

Much of it is realizing that the initial crazy rapture we feel is not really deep love at all, but a surface attraction and excitement of something new and different. Or it could be the challenge of the conquest. Or maybe we run after love, intent on filling a void within us, however temporarily.

Whatever the reason, we realize that deep and intimate love for others has to start with love and respect for ourselves. Only when we can love ourselves, unconditionally and steadily, can we develop real love for someone else—a depth of adoration that transcends surface appreciation, a delight in giving to that person without expecting anything back.


A love like this develops over time and takes work, but to have it is the greatest joy on earth. If you attain it, don’t let go. True love is hard to find.

I want to hear from you. How did you fall in love, and at what point did it become deep, lasting love?

Love in the workplace

It happens. You get a job in a company and love what you do. You spend eight or more hours a day with coworkers who share your skills, education, job interests, and work ethic. Attraction blooms. Maybe you look into the person’s eyes, and you just know. Or it may take awhile.

At some point you find your fingers touching your co-worker’s while reaching for the same menu or sticky note or financial report. You just happen to “bump into each other” more and more in the hall or the break room.  Love settles over the two of you like a light, happy cloak, then tightens its hold until you’re wrapped up together tighter than a straightjacket.

Workplace love. It’s wonderful. It’s exhilarating.

Is it wrong? Depends.

Workplace romances are tricky. CareerBuilder.com says you should check your company policy on dating. And be careful about dating your boss or your subordinate. Nearly one in five people have admitted to dating their boss, but supervisor/subordinate relationships are often frowned upon as these may lead to sexual harassment cases. Social recruiter and strategist Meghan M. Biro states in Glassdoor’s blog that boss/employee relationships can lead to job jeopardy and co-worker jealousy as well as fodder for the rumor mill.

Hey baby, meet me in the copy room after work.

So you’re dating your co-worker. You’re not alone. Glassdoor’s survey revealed that 51% of workers gave a thumbs up on co-worker romance. One in ten people have had sex in the workplace and one in five have thought about doing it. However, 54% agreed that ending a romance led to workplace awkwardness. 38% of people have dated a co-worker over the course of their career, and 31% of these romances led to marriage. While 63% were open about their workplace relationships, 37% kept theirs secret (careerbuilder.com). If you do form a love relationship with a co-worker, keep personal relationship issues outside work and work issues outside the relationship. Glassdoor’s career and workplace expert Rusty Rueff adds that you should keep it confidential until you’re sure you have a lasting relationship.

Health Guidance advises workers to stay away from anyone who is married. Having an adulterous relationship with
someone at work can be detrimental for your career, not to mention your character. Also, keep your hands off each other at work to avoid your own embarrassment as well as discomfort and “get a room” comments among your fellow co-workers. Keep your company emails to each other business as usual since your company may monitor these. Finally, be sure to continue your social relationships with your co-workers instead of limiting your break times to only your love interest.